Hobbits in the Infield
by Sleepy Jean
Summary: Take one LOTR fan and send her to an Atlanta Braves game. This is the result... (Not an Atlanta Braves fic. Strictly LOTR.) R/R please! :)
1. Arrivals and Explanations

DISCLAIMER:  
  
I do not own Lord of the Rings or the characters therein. I also do not own the Atlanta Braves, Galaxy Quest, nor anything else mentioned in this fic, except myself and the character "Moe," should he drop in. Oh, and I claim Bean Land for myself. :)  
  
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Hobbits in the Infield  
  
Part One: Arrivals and Explanations  
  
  
  
"Where are we?" a small, furry-footed person asked.  
  
A much taller person furrowed his brow thoughtfully. "I do not know, Peregrin."  
  
Meriadoc "Merry" Brandybuck leaned over to Peregrin and whispered, "If Strider doesn't know where we are, then we must really be lost, Pippin!"  
  
Frodo Baggins stood up and dusted off his cloak. He then turned to a tall, older man carrying a staff and clothed in grey. "Gandalf, do you know where we are?"  
  
The Istar surveyed the place where they were standing. They stood on grass, but red dirt lay in what seemed to be a pattern nearby, an island of grass within that. There were what appeared to be many seats all around them. Confused, he didn't answer his hobbit friend.  
  
"Well, I don't like it," Sam Gamgee said plainly, grasping his frying pan.  
  
"Neither do I. How is it that we came to this place?" Boromir asked.  
  
"I do not know, but perhaps there is someone here in this strange land that may answer our questions," Aragorn ("Strider") replied.  
  
Gimli the Dwarf grunted. "Perhaps there are Orcs here that may shoot us with their arrows."  
  
Legolas, the Elf of the group, shook his head. "This does not look like a place where Orcs have been. It seems somewhat cheerful. Look! There is something stirring up there!" He pointed into the seats where what looked to be a room with a long window stood. The Fellowship quickly readied their weapons.  
  
"Sorry to keep you waiting," said a voice.  
  
"That sounds like a girl!" Pippin exclaimed, astonished.  
  
"Aye, I am," the voice answered. "As I was saying, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. I'm glad to see that everyone got here safely."  
  
"Where are we? Who are you?" Gandalf demanded.  
  
"Oh, dear, forgive me. You may all put away your weapons. They are of no use here. If you will, look to your right. There is a door that you may walk through. Follow the passageway to the very last door on the left. Inside this room I will be waiting for you. I will gladly answer all of your questions there," the voice told them.  
  
"Whoever was there is gone now," Legolas said, gazing up at the window. "What shall we do?"  
  
"We have little choice but to do as directed," Boromir replied.  
  
Gandalf nodded slowly. "Keep your weapons ready, though. We do not yet know where we are or with whom we are dealing." The others agreed and followed the Wizard through the door.  
  
When they reached the last door on the left, they entered the room cautiously. Inside they found comfortable looking chairs around a very long glass-topped table. At the head of the table sat a young woman wearing bell- bottom jeans, black loafers, and a dark blue tank-top covered by an open white long-sleeved shirt. The Fellowship looked strangely at her. She smiled warmly and motioned for them to sit down.  
  
"Come in, come in. Don't linger in doorways; it makes you seem vain," she told them with a grin. They sat down uneasily.  
  
"Who are you?" Gandalf asked.  
  
"I am the author," she said. At these words ominous music blared over the loudspeakers. The Nine looked around, trying to discover the source. "I brought you here really for my own pleasure. An experiment of sorts. Don't worry, though. When we are finished you will be returned to where you were when I transported you here, and you will not remember anything you see in this place."  
  
"Where is here?" Aragorn questioned.  
  
"Well, I'm still trying to think of a clever name for my own dimension, but I'm calling it Bean Land in the meantime," the girl answered.  
  
"Bean Land?" Merry said.  
  
She nodded. "Yes, Bean is a nickname of mine," she explained. "It isn't part of your world or mine, really, but exists in my imagination and the realm of fantasy. It is a combination of many worlds, times, and cultures."  
  
"What did you mean when you said our weapons would be of no use here?" Boromir asked.  
  
"Well, in this place there is no killing and no one can come to serious harm. Therefore, your weapons will do you no good, but that doesn't matter because you do not need them," the girl explained.  
  
"You said we are here for an experiment. What do you mean?" questioned Gandalf.  
  
"I call it an experiment, but I don't know that it really is one. We'll see. It's actually more for my amusement than anything. Hopefully you will all enjoy yourselves as well," she told them. "Basically, I brought you here to play a game. To play this game, there must be two teams, each consisting of nine players."  
  
"We have nine here, but who did you choose for the other team?" Legolas asked her.  
  
At this there was a screech somewhere outside of the room. The girl hopped to her feet. "Looks like the other team just arrived. A little early, but no matter. The bench players and bullpens should be arriving soon, as well. I have much work to do yet about getting some umpires and fans." The girl seemed to be talking to herself now. The Nine looked at one another.  
  
"That sounded like the Shriekers!" Sam said.  
  
"Yes, you are correct," the girl nodded. "The Nazgûl will be the other team. Excuse me, I need to go get them. I'll be right back." With this she left the room. The Companions sat uneasily.  
  
"I don't like this," Gimli spoke up.  
  
"Should we trust her?" Merry asked, looking to Gandalf and Aragorn for guidance. They both sat silently.  
  
Fifteen minutes had passed before the girl returned, the Nazgûl in tow. Along with the Wraiths, she brought along some random Orcs, Uruk-hai, and Elves. There were also a few people they recognized, including Elrond, Haldir, Glorfindel, Gildor and Saruman.  
  
"I explained everything to the newcomers before we came in, so let's move on. You will have tomorrow to learn the basic skills and rules to this game, and on the following day you will play."  
  
"You haven't told us what this game is," Frodo said.  
  
"I haven't, have I?" the girl responded. "It's a wonderful game, really, and quite fun. It's called baseball. I do believe you'll enjoy it. I have uniforms for each one of you, which you'll recieve in the morning. I'll show you the rules and all tomorrow. Now, as for lodging, take a look at this." She passed around papers with a list on them to each there.  
  
"What is this?" Pippin asked.  
  
"This tells you who you will be rooming with. I put the hobbits together. Haldir, Legolas, Glorfindel, Gildor, and Elrond will share a room. Gandalf, Gimli, Aragorn, and Boromir will stay together. The Wraiths will have a room to themselves, and the rest of you may look for your name here to see with whom you'll be staying. The free people will take the right wing of the lodging section, while the Mordorians and their type will be in the left wing," the author (Dun, dun, duuuuuuun!) told them.  
  
"At least I won't have to share a room with an Elf!" Gimli snorted. The Elves shot him dirty looks, which was a shame because it ruined their fair faces.  
  
"Oh, dear. I should have gotten post-Lothlorien Legolas and Gimli. Well, live and learn, I suppose. Anyway, after the game you will all be returned to where you were before as promised. You will be provided with food and lodging here at the complex as I've shown you already. Oh, and for the sake of ... well, convenience, my friends over at Galaxy Quest have provided the translators that allow each of us to speak the same language. Now, if you'll all just follow me, I'll show you to your rooms." 


	2. Training Day

Hobbits in the Infield  
  
Part Two: Training Day  
  
  
  
"So, any questions?" the author (Dun dun duuuun!) asked, having just finished giving a long speech about the rules of the game.  
  
No one raised their hand or said anything, but sat staring, looking a good deal like deer caught in the headlights. She gave them a few moments to gather their wits, then, still not having any questions asked, she turned and put down her dry-erase marker. She stood in front of a board with a number of things written and drawn on it.  
  
"Good," she said finally. She picked up her clipboard. "Now if I could have all of the servants of the forces of darkness go to this side of the table and the servants of good go to that side, it would make this a lot easier."  
  
There was the sound of chairs scraping against the ground and feet shuffling as the large group complied.  
  
Once everyone was situated, the author (Dun dun duuuun!) turned to the side where the good guys sat.  
  
"You can go first," she told them, "because... because I say so. After some thought I came to the conclusion that your team shall be called the Middle- earth Heroes. Your colors will be green and white, representing life and purity. When I call your name, please come forward and get your uniform. Gandalf the Grey."  
  
Gandalf rose and walked forward, accepting his jersey, pants, socks and cleats. Then he was told that he would be a pitcher.  
  
Next came Gimli the catcher, Sam the first baseman, Merry the second baseman, Pippin the shortstop, Frodo the third baseman, Boromir the leftfielder, Legolas the centerfielder, and Aragorn the rightfielder.  
  
The bullpen would consist of Elrond, Haldir and Radagast the Brown.  
  
Bench players were Beorn, Elladan, Gildor, Glorfindel, Elrohir, Tom Bombadil, Faramir, Eomer, Thranduil, Beregond, Celeborn, Cirdan and Barliman Butterbur.  
  
Next the author (Dun dun duuuun!) turned to the bad guys. "Your team will be called the Mordor Screechers."  
  
"Why not the Isengard Screechers? We're just as evil as the Mordorians!" Saruman spoke up defensively.  
  
"You will be the Mordor Screechers because Mordor is run by the Dark Lord and he is more evil than you are, whether you believe it or not, Saruman. Besides, this is my story and I say so. Now, if Wraith number one, the Witch King will come forward, you're going to be the pitcher."  
  
The head NazgÃ»l hissed and grabbed his uniform, a long black cloak with his name and number on the back in red lettering, and a pair of cleats. The other eight NazgÃ»l made up the rest of the starting team.  
  
"Why do we have red and black?" Radbug asked. "You don't explain to us, but you explain to them?"  
  
The girl looked up from her clipboard. "Forgive me. Your colors are black and red, representing death and fire." Radbug and his fellow bad'ns looked pleased at this, which was rather disturbing when you consider their Orc and Uruk-hai faces. She shook it off and called the rest of the players up.  
  
The bullpen consisted of Saruman, Radbug, and Gorbag.  
  
The bench players would be Bill Ferny, Shagrat, Grishnakh, and several random orcs.  
  
Snaga stood up then. "What is my position?" he asked.  
  
"Well, Snaga, since your name means 'slave,' I've decided that you get to be the bat boy for the Mordorians," she told him.  
  
"BAT BOY!" Snaga looked insulted. "BAT BOY?!"  
  
"You don't know what a bat boy is, do you?"  
  
"No, not really."  
  
"I'll tell you now, in that case. Nob," she turned to a sweet little hobbit, "you will be Middle-earth's bat boy. Your duties will be to give the batters their bat, collect the bat after they are finished, and so on. Very simple, but very important."  
  
Nob looked happy and Snaga sneered. The author (Dun dun duuuuun!) made a mental note to find out who was playing that music and ignored Snaga.  
  
"Now, I'm going to give each of you a glove, bat, and ball. I'm going to put you into groups and send you to do different things around the field for hands-on practice. We'll switch every once in a while," she said.  
  
After dividing the groups and pulling the catchers and pitchers aside, she told them to go to where they were told.  
  
Several players went to sit in the dugouts (one group in each), several went to positions to field the balls hit their way by the fourth group, who were to bat first.  
  
"Okay, Gimli, squat down right here," she said to the dwarf as they stood at home plate. Gimli looked questioningly at her, but complied after she showed him exactly what to do.  
  
"Alright, Gandalf. That's perfect right there," she called to the wizard on the mound. "Now, when I tell you to, just throw the ball like I showed you. Try to hit Gimli's glove, now. Batter up!"  
  
There was silence.  
  
"Batter up!"  
  
More silence.  
  
"Shagrat, this is the part where you come over here and try to hit the ball."  
  
Shagrat stood up as straight as an orc would and walked to the batter's box. The author (Dun dun duuuun!) pulled down her mask and instructed Gimli to do the same. (She had given the catchers their gear while everyone went to their places.)  
  
"Okay, Gandalf, go ahead and pitch," she called, bending over to watch for the location.  
  
Gandalf looked at the ball, then wound up as he had been shown and threw the ball towards the plate.  
  
Shagrat swung and missed.  
  
"Strike!" she announced. Gimli threw the ball back.  
  
Gandalf threw it again. Shagrat swung again. Shagrat missed again.  
  
"Strike two!"  
  
And then, "Strike three! You're out, Shagrat."  
  
Shagrat spat on the ground angrily, and recieved a sharp admonishment for the act. Gorbag was next, and Elrond stepped onto the mound to pitch a few balls.  
  
"I'll show you how it's done, lad!" Gorbag said proudly to Shagrat, who scowled.  
  
Elrond pitched. Gorbag swung and missed. The hobbits in the outfield were falling asleep in the warm sunshine. The girl shook her head.  
  
"We've got a lot of work to do. Strike one!"  
  
***  
  
"Okay, boys, that will just about do it for training day. Go get some food, then head back to your rooms and watch the tape I've put in there for you. Just read the instructions I've provided and you'll be able to do it. If you have trouble, just stick your head out of your door and yell. I'll be right there. After the video, get some sleep. We've got a busy day tomorrow. See you then!"  
  
With that, the author (Dun dun duuuun!) left to search for the crazy music fiend. 


	3. First Inning

A/N: I own none of the songs quoted in this or any future chapters.  
  
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Hobbits in the Infield  
  
Part Three: First Inning  
  
  
  
"Call it!" the girl called as she flipped a quarter into the air.  
  
"It's mine!" hissed a voice. A dark figure jumped up and grabbed the coin, then sat down on the grass stroking it. "My preciousss..."  
  
"That is my quarter, Gollum, and I meant for them to choose a side -- heads or tails -- while it was in the air so we could see who was going to be the home team. Now, give it back!" she snatched the quarter back. "Besides, it isn't even gold. Now get back in the stands."  
  
Gollum hissed again and went back to his seat. Everyone turned their attention back to the coin-flipping process.  
  
"Call it!" she said again, tossing it up.  
  
"Heads!" Saruman shouted.  
  
She looked at the quarter. "Heads it is. What do you want to be, home or visiting?"  
  
"Home," Saruman replied.  
  
"Alright, your team takes that dugout, and the Heroes take this one over here. Mordor, you're fielding first. Get to your positions. Middle-earth, you're batting, so get ready. Legolas, you're the lead-off hitter."  
  
"Why does he get to go first?" Gimli protested.  
  
"Because he's quick, and that's what we want in our lead-off man," she answered. Now scoot! We need to get started," the author (Dun dun duuun!) shooed him to the dugout.  
  
Everyone was finally in their place and Legolas was announced by Fatty Bolger. He and Folco Boffin had been taught to run the michrophone and music system.  
  
"First up for the Heroes, number nineteen" Fatty recited, remembering what he'd been taught by the author (Dun dun duuuun!) to say, "...Legolas Greenleaf! Now, Folco. No, push the button. Yes, that one. Now! Come on. I don't know what it does. All I know is we're supposed to. What? The michrophone is still on? No, it isn't. Oh, it is."  
  
There was silence for a moment. Legolas shrugged and started walking to the batter's box. He nearly jumped out of his skin when The Monkees' song Star Collector began blaring over the system.  
  
Think I'll let her keep on goin'  
  
Wherever it is she's goin' to.  
  
Give her my autograph and tell her  
  
'It's been nice knowin' you.'  
  
"What was that?" Legolas asked.  
  
The girl smiled. "It's a song. When a player walks up to bat, they play a song that he's picked out. I took the liberty of sorting them out last night for you since none of you know any of the songs I have."  
  
"Oh..." Legolas replied. Glancing over at Theoden, the manager of his team, he positioned himself to hit the ball.  
  
The Witch king wound up and hurled the ball towards the plate. Legolas watched it go by.  
  
"Ball!" she called.  
  
The pitching Wraith shrieked and caught the ball that the catching Wraith threw back. Wraith Number One pitched again. Legolas swung and knocked it into the gap in the outfield. He dropped his bat and sped around first and second bases, getting all the way to third before Wraith Number Eight (center field) threw the ball back in. The members of the crowd in the stands that were pulling for the Heroes were cheering loudly.  
  
"Now batting for the Middle-earth Heroes, number four, Merry Brandybuck!" announced Fatty. Mary, Mary began playing as Merry hauled his bat over to the batter's box.  
  
Mary, Mary, where ya goin' to?  
  
"I'm trying to get over to the plate," Merry muttered.  
  
Mary, Mary, can I go, too?  
  
"Why do I get the impression that he's singing about a girl?" Merry asked.  
  
"Because he is... But it matches your name and all, so..." she answered.  
  
Merry heaved the bat onto his shoulder and swung at the first pitch. It rolled slowly towards the mound. Wraith Two, the catcher, hurried to grab it while Merry put the pedal to the metal. Wraith Two fired the ball to Wraith Three at first base, who caught it just before Merry reached the bag. Wraith Two hadn't been paying attention to Legolas, who was sent home by Gloin, the third base coach.  
  
"Out!" Lobelia Sackville-Baggins called from her position as first base umpire.  
  
"Safe!" called the author (Dun dun duuuun!) as Legolas touched home plate.  
  
Treebeard stuck a "1" on the scoreboard next to the Heroes' name.  
  
"Now batting for the Middle-earth Heroes, number twelve, Aragorn," Fatty announced, "son of Arathorn, future King of Gondor, Elfstone, Ranger, Man, of the--"  
  
"STOP ALREADY!" Folco cried, turning off the mich.  
  
"Go get 'em, Aragorn!" Arwen called out.  
  
I can be your hero, baby!  
  
I can kiss away the pain!  
  
I will stand by you forever!  
  
You can take my breath away!  
  
Aragorn strode over to the box and lifted the bat to his shoulder. Wraith One threw the ball, which Aragorn proceeded to knock into shallow left field. He reached first base easily.  
  
"Safe!" Lobelia called. The Heroes fans cheered again.  
  
"Now batting for the Heroes, number forty-nine, Boromir!" Fatty said.  
  
I, I feel so alive!  
  
For the very first time!  
  
And I think I can fly!  
  
And I think I can fly!  
  
Wraith One hurled his first pitch to Boromir, which was a strike. The next two pitches were balls. On the fourth pitch Boromir hit the ball to the shortstop, who tossed it to the secondbaseman, who tagged second base and tossed it to Wraith Three at first. Wraith Three touched first base, and the half was over.  
  
"Nice play!" the girl said, astonished, over the excited cries of Mordor's fans. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you had played before! That was a perfect six-four-three double play!"  
  
The Heroes took the field now, with the Wraiths getting prepared to bat.  
  
"First up for the Screechers, number seven, Wraith... Seven..." Fatty said, then shrugged.  
  
'Cause I'm back!  
  
Yes, I'm back!  
  
Well, I'm back!  
  
Yes, I'm back!  
  
Well, I'm back, back,  
  
I'm back in black!  
  
Yes, I'm back in black!  
  
Wraith Seven walked to the batter's box and took a look at his manager, Grima Wormtongue. Since he couldn't see very well, he decided to do what he dang well pleased. Wormtongue didn't mind. He went to the corner of the dugout and sat eyeing everyone.  
  
Gandalf delivered the pitch, which was low and outside for ball one. Gandalf proceeded to walk Wraith Seven. Screechers fans loved it, if it was possible for them to love anything.  
  
"Now batting for the Mordor Screechers, number five, Wraith Five!" Fatty said. Back in Black's chorus began again as the next member of the NazgÃ»l entered the box.  
  
"Strike!" the girl called after the first pitch whizzed past Wraith Five and into Gimli's glove.  
  
"Strike two!"  
  
"Strike three, you're out!"  
  
Wraith Five walked back to the dugout as Wraith Nine prepared to bat.  
  
"Next up for the Screechers, number nine, Wraith Nine!" Fatty announced.  
  
[Cue Back in Black]  
  
Gandalf threw a strike and two balls before Wraith Nine even swung at the ball for strike two. On the next pitch, Wraith Nine knocked the ball into shallow center field, where Legolas scooped it up and returned it to Pippin, who threw it to Gandalf. Runners were now on first and second with one out.  
  
"Now batting, number three, Wraith Three!"  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Wraith Three watched strike one go by, then swung on what would have been ball one, connecting and sending it to the grass between third and home. The runners advanced safely.  
  
"Next up, number six, Wraith Six!"  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Wraith Six swung at the first pitch and sent the ball to short. Pippin fielded the ball cleanly and threw it to first base. Bases loaded, two outs.  
  
"Now batting, number eight, Wraith Eight!"  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Wraith Eight swung at pitch number one, then watched three balls fly past. Swinging at the next pitch, he fouled it away for strike two. On the seventh pitch he swung and hit it hard and far. Boromir ran with all his might to the fence. Jumping up, he caught the ball and prevented a grand slam. Middle-earth fans cheered wildly, while Mordor fans hissed and booed.  
  
"Well, everyone, that concludes the first inning. Magnificent. Go get something to drink and Screechers be ready to take the field in about one minute," said the author. (Dun dun duuuuun!) "Then again, take your time. I've got work to do!" She hopped over the fence and ran up the steps in search of the still missing music fiend, her previous attempt to find him or her having been unsuccessful since the hobbits couldn't figure out their VCR. Thus her search had been cut short.  
  
"Not this time!" she vowed, hopping over a young hobbit and hurrying towards the control room. 


	4. The Search

Hobbits in the Infield  
  
Part Four: The Search  
  
  
  
The girl made her way down a hallway, peering in doorways when she came to them. Still, she found nothing. She glanced at her watch. She had only left the field about four minutes ago, but knew she had to hurry. Leaving this particular crowd (specifically the Mordor and Isengard side) alone for a long period of time wasn't a very good idea.  
  
Suddenly she stopped. She heard what sounded like soft footsteps around the corner just ahead. Holding her breath, she tip-toed to the corner. Peering around, she found…absolutely nothing.  
  
"Dadgummit!" she muttered in frustration. "I know I heard someone!"  
  
She quietly crept down the corridor, straining her ears to hear even the faintest sound. She heard occasional blasts of music in the not-so-far-off distance, and assumed that Fatty and Folco were entertaining the crowd in her absence.  
  
She saw a closed door to her left and grinned. "Well, I suppose this search will soon be over now!" She hurried over to the door and put her hand on the doorknob. Thrusting it open she cried, "GOTCHA!"  
  
The room was empty.  
  
Lightly stamping her foot in her impatience, she turned around and continued towards the next corner. Rounding it quickly, she smacked into a tall figure, knocking them both to the ground.  
  
"You!" she cried. The other person scrambled to get up and ran in the other direction. Hopping up, she sped along behind.  
  
"Stop!" she yelled. The other didn't listen to her. She grumbled and continued her pursuit.  
  
"Hullo!" she heard. Stopping abruptly, she saw that the four Hobbit members of the Fellowship were walking by, each holding a hot dog, box of popcorn, and soda. Pippin also had some blue cotton-candy.  
  
"What are you doing in here?" she asked.  
  
"We got hungry," Merry told her.  
  
"Well, hurry back to the field. I'll be there soon. Oh, and you may want to eat very little of that. If you eat too much, you'll almost certainly be sick after we start playing again," she warned.  
  
"Don't worry about us! We know our way with food," Pippin smiled.  
  
"If you say so. Look, I'm in a hurry, so head back to your dugout," she told them again. They smiled, waved, and continued on their way. The girl, however, had a pained expression on her face. She had lost the one she had been chasing. Taking a guess, she headed down a passageway on the right.  
  
Walking slowly, she tried to think of where the person could have gone. She was suddenly struck with an idea.  
  
"Oh, I'll never find the music fiend at this rate," said the author. (Dun dun duuuun!) The music came from the loudspeakers, but she heard a chuckle ahead.  
  
Perfect, she thought. Rushing forward, she peered through the doorway to another room. Sure enough, the tall figure stood, back towards her. She took a running leap and landed on the person's back, knocking them both to the ground once again.  
  
"Get off!" came a muffled cry. "Jean!"  
  
She yanked the person's cap off and flipped them over. "Moe," she said, "you've got some 'splainin' to do! What's with the music?"  
  
He laughed and tried to get up, but she sat on his chest, then took his sunglasses off of his face.  
  
"It's too dark in here for these," she chidded. "Now, answer me!"  
  
"Get off, Jean!"  
  
"Not until you answer," Jean repsonded.  
  
"You do realize that I can get up if I really want to, right?" Moe said.  
  
"I don't care. Why the music?"  
  
Moe shrugged the best he could. "It was fun! You know I like to annoy you!"  
  
Jean's expression was grim, but Moe noticed laughter in her eyes. "Yeah, I know," she said. "Get up and come with me."  
  
Moe stood after she removed herself from his chest and followed rather unwillingly (she had him by his ear) back to the sound room. Here she made him fix what he'd done so that the music wouldn't play at every mention of the word "author."  
  
Next she led him to the field, where she had him tied him to a chair.  
  
"Now, stay there and don't give me any more trouble!" she said as Boromir finished tying the knot.  
  
"At least put my hat and glasses on me," Moe whined. She did this, then put her gear back on quickly.  
  
"Everyone set?" she asked. When they nodded (or grunted in a few cases), she pulled her mask down, yelling, "Play ball!" 


	5. Second Inning

A/N: I don't own Macy's, their parades, or their balloons. If you thought that I did, I laugh at you. ;)  
  
Hobbits in the Infield  
  
Part Five: Second Inning  
  
"Now batting for the Heroes, number one, Frodo Baggins!" Fatty announced, obviously starting to enjoy his job. Folco turned on "Impression That I Get" by the Mighty, Mighty Bosstones as the hobbit made his way to home plate.  
  
Have you ever had the odds stacked up so high,  
  
You need a strength most don't possess?  
  
Or has it ever come down to do or die?  
  
You've got to rise above the rest.  
  
The Ringwraiths all hissed, "Ssssshiiiire! Bagginsssss!" Frodo's eyes grew wider.  
  
"Yes, it's Baggins, but this isn't the Shire, and we are taking a little vacation from all of that, anyway. Pitch," she said sternly to the Nazgûl, then spoke more gently to Frodo: "Come on, they'll leave you alone."  
  
Frodo reluctantly stepped into the batter's box and readied himself. Wraith One hurled the ball towards the trio placed there. Frodo swung and missed.  
  
"Strike!"  
  
Wraith Two tossed the ball back, then got back into his position and hissed, "Sssstrike one, halfling. Quit now while you're ahead." There was a sound like air being let out of one of those giant Macy's Thanksgiving Parade balloons, and the author knew it must be Wraith Two laughing.  
  
"Alright, play nicely," she said.  
  
Wraith One threw the ball again. Frodo swung and knocked it into right field. He dropped the bat and ran as quickly as he could towards first base. Wraith Nine in right field squinted as he searched for the ball, having poor eyesight and all. Assuming that it must have already fallen to the ground, he looked down near his feet... and got konked on the head.  
  
The Heroes fans laughed hysterically and urged Frodo to go to second, which the hobbit did safely before Wraith Nine had recovered himself enough to throw the ball in.  
  
"Double for the Ring-bearer! Well, I'll be!" Jean smiled.  
  
"Now batting for the Heroes," Fatty said, "number two, Sam Gamgee!"  
  
'Cause I'm in too deep  
  
And I'm trying to keep  
  
Up above in my head  
  
Instead of goin' under!  
  
"Why did you choose that song for me?" Sam asked.  
  
Jean grinned, "Oh, it had something to do with a river and... Nothing. Just forget it. You ready?"  
  
"I think I am, but I'm much handier with a frying pan," Sam answered, slinging the bat onto his shoulder.  
  
I'm sure you are, she thought with a chuckle.  
  
Wraith One then tossed a ball, followed by a strike. On the third pitch, Sam swung and smacked a line-drive into center, advancing Frodo to third and getting himself onto first.  
  
"Now batting, number three, Pippin Took!" said Fatty.  
  
But the fool on the hill  
  
Sees the sun going down.  
  
And the eyes in his head  
  
See the world spinning around.  
  
Pippin made a face. "Sorry, Pip, but I had to do it," she explained. "I love ya, though!"  
  
Wraith Two made that balloon noise again.  
  
"Oh, shut up," she laughed. "Let's play."  
  
Wraith One wound up and pitched one right down the middle, which Pippin absolutely crushed. He stood in disbelief as the ball soared back farther and farther towards the left field fence. Wraith Seven somehow caught sight of it and was giving chase, but it was no use. Pippin's ball was out of the park, and Heroes fans went wild.  
  
Pippin ran the bases, a silly grin on his face. Folco pressed a button and "We Will Rock You" began playing. Much to the author's surprise (and amusement), the crowd knew the stomping and clapping movements, or at least figured them out quickly.  
  
Treebeard put a "3" under the second inning section of the scoreboard and smiled at this funny little creature's feat. Pippin's teammates greeted him with much praise when he returned to the dugout.  
  
"Now batting, number 32, Gimli!" Fatty called out.  
  
Workin' in a coal mine,  
  
Goin' down, down, down!  
  
Gimli nodded to show his approval of that song before Wraith One got him to fly out to third.  
  
"Next up for the Heroes, number nine, the Istar, the crafty fellow himself, Gandalf the Grey!" Fatty announced.  
  
Yes, he's definitely getting into this! Maybe a wee bit too much! thought the author of Fatty.  
  
The Magical Mystery Tour  
  
Is waiting to take you away.  
  
Waiting to take you away.  
  
Gandalf walked over to the box and set himself. Wraith One struck him out.  
  
"Don't worry, Gandy," the girl said. "Pitchers generally aren't known for their bats, anyway."  
  
''Now batting for the Heroes, number nineteen, Legolas Greenleaf!" called Fatty.  
  
[Star Collector]  
  
"Strike out the Elf-boy!" called an Orc from the stands.  
  
Wraith One threw the ball, which was high and inside for ball one. The next pitch was another ball, then a strike. Legolas popped the following pitch to second base, which Wraith Four actually caught.  
  
The teams switched positions, and Gandalf was once again on the mound.  
  
"Now batting for Mordor, number four, Wraith Four!" announced Fatty.  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Wraith Four swung too early and missed the first pitch for strike one. He knocked the next pitch into left and reached first base.  
  
"Now batting, number two, Wraith Two!"  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Gandalf struck out Wraith Two, and was royally booed by Mordor's side of the crowd.  
  
"Now batting, number one, Wraith One!"  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Gandalf practically gift-wrapped his first pitch to Wraith One for him. Wraith One sent it flying over the right field fence, and two runs scored. The Orcs, Uruk-hai, and other ruffians cheered. Treebeard reluctantly put a "2" next to Mordor on the scoreboard.  
  
"I thought pitchers didn't bat well," Gandalf said.  
  
"They usually don't hit homeruns, but it's not impossible. It happens on rare occasions," Jean replied.  
  
"Next up for the Screechers, number seven, Wraith Seven!"  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Gandalf set his jaw and hurled a beautiful pitch, which Seven missed. In fact, Seven missed the next two pitches as well, and went back to the dugout disappointed.  
  
"Next up, number five, Wraith Five!"  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Wraith Five watched the first pitch fly past for a ball. He got two more balls, then popped out to Gandalf, who was able to redeem himself after giving up two runs.  
  
"Well done, everyone. That concludes the second inning. The score is now Heroes four, Screechers two." Jean said. "Let's see what the third inning does for each team, shall we?" 


	6. Third Inning

A/N: I do not own Rose. Rose belongs to herself. :) And thank you everyone that has sent/will send a lovely review! :) One more thing: to keep the Wraiths straight, they are numbered by their position's number. Wraith One is the pitcher, Two is the catcher, Three is first, Four is second, Five is third, Six is shortstop, Seven is left, Eight is center, and Nine is right field. Got all that? ;)  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Hobbits in the Infield  
  
Part Six: Third Inning  
  
  
  
  
  
Jean looked into the crowd as she waited for the teams to get ready for the next inning. She shielded her eyes from the bright morning sun and gasped as she saw a familiar young human woman walking down the steps.  
  
"Rose!" cried Jean, hurrying over to the fence to meet her good friend.  
  
"Hey, Jean!" Rose replied, smiling.  
  
"Top of the mornin' to ya!" Jean said. She looked at her friend, who had apparently already been to the gift shops. She wore a pair of jeans, but had a Heroes shirt and baseball cap on. "Nice outfit. How did you get here?"  
  
"You invited me, remember?" Rose told her.  
  
Jean slapped her forehead. "Oh, I did, didn't I? I swear, I can't remember anything sometimes. Do you have a seat yet?"  
  
Rose looked up at the crowd of fans and shook her head. "No, and I'm sure I'll have a difficult time finding one with all of these people about."  
  
"Here, I'll help," Jean said. She hopped over the fence and led Rose up a few steps, then pointed to an empty seat between Arwen and Goldberry. "Here you go. You can sit with the ladies."  
  
"Thankees,'' Rose replied, slipping over to her place.  
  
Jean nodded and headed back to the field, calling over her shoulder, "Enjoy the game!" She didn't notice Rose's questioning, yet knowing glance at Moe, who was still tied to a chair a couple of rows down, and was being guarded by an Elf.  
  
"Play ball!" Jean called out, getting into her position.  
  
"Now batting for the Heroes, number four, Merry Brandybuck!" Fatty announced.  
  
[Mary, Mary]  
  
Merry walked to the batter's box, and hefted the bat onto his shoulder. Wraith One hurled a curveball at him, and Merry knocked it into shallow right field. He reached first base safely and happily.  
  
"Now batting, number twelve, Aragorn!"  
  
[Hero]  
  
Arwen cheered loudly, then leaned over to Rose and said, "He's really good."  
  
Rose smiled and nodded, then turned back to the game.  
  
Wraith One tossed a splitter for strike one, then another for strike two. Aragorn sent the third pitch down the left field line, advancing Merry to third and getting himself to second.  
  
Heroes fans cheered. "I told you!" Arwen said proudly.  
  
"Now batting, number forty-nine, the future Steward of Gondor, Boromir!"  
  
[Alive]  
  
Boromir smacked the first pitch to the wall, allowing Merry and Aragorn to score two more runs, and giving himself a triple. Heroes fans went wild again. Treebeard put a "2" under the third inning section.  
  
"Now batting, number one, Frodo Baggins!"  
  
[Impression That I Get]  
  
Frodo worked the count until it was full, then lined out to short.  
  
"That's alright, Frodo! You'll get 'em next time!" Rose called.  
  
"Next up for Middle-earth, number two, Sam Gamgee!"  
  
[In Too Deep]  
  
Sam set up and swung at the first pitch, flying out to center.  
  
"Now batting, number three, Pippin Took!"  
  
[Fool on the Hill]  
  
Pippin swung at the first two and missed, but singled on the third pitch.  
  
"Next up, number thirty-two, all the way from the Lonely Mountain, Gimli!"  
  
Workin' in a coal mine  
  
Goin' down, down, down...  
  
Gimli, too singled on the third pitch, moving Pippin over to second.  
  
"Next up, number nine, Gandalf the Grey!"  
  
[Magical Mystery Tour]  
  
Gandalf swung and missed, then swung and missed again. Two balls later, he singled as well, advancing everyone one base. He looked pleased with himself.  
  
"Next up, number nineteen, Legolas Greenleaf!"  
  
[Star Collector]  
  
Wraith One threw his first pitch, which was just outside.  
  
"Ball!"  
  
Wraith One stepped off the mound. "Sssstriiiiike!" he argued.  
  
Jean pulled off her face-guard and focused her blue eyes on the cloaked figure before her. "It was a ball, and if you don't get back on the mound and pitch, I'll toss you out of the game."  
  
Wraith One shrieked, but went back to the mound. Jean took off her cap, shook back her dark hair, and replaced the cap and mask. Wraith One was apparently fazed by someone standing up to him in such a way, because he allowed Legolas to double, sending Pippin and Gimli across home plate for two more runs. Treebeard replace the "2" with a "4" on the scoreboard.  
  
"That's my boy!" Thranduil shouted happily.  
  
"Now batting, number four, Merry Brandybuck!"  
  
[Mary, Mary]  
  
Wraith One was seething. He proceeded to hit Merry with a pitch, allowing him to take first base. The bases were loaded again.  
  
"Now batting, number twelve, Aragorn!"  
  
[Hero]  
  
Fortunately for Wraith One, Aragorn popped the ball up and Wraith Four caught it, ending the half.  
  
As everyone headed for their dugouts, Jean thought, Well, I guess I was wrong about the hobbits and the food... They seem alright to me.  
  
Theoden waved her over. "Hullo, sir. What do you need?" she asked.  
  
Theoden gestured at the four hobbits. "We have a problem." Sam, Merry, Frodo and Pippin were sitting on the bench clutching their stomachs.  
  
Stupid laws of comedy! Jean thought.  
  
"What can I do?" asked Theoden.  
  
"The answer is simple. First, I'd suggest sending the hobbits to their beds. Then you simply pick some players to replace them," she informed him.  
  
Theoden nodded, then told the hobbits to go to their room. Next he looked at the players sitting on the bench, and told the four he chose where to go: "Elrohir, you take third; Elladan, you take shortstop; Celeborn, you're at second; and Eomer can play at first." The hobbits headed for their room and the replacements got their gloves and went to their positions.  
  
"Now batting for Mordor, number nine, Wraith Nine!"  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Gandalf threw a pretty curve, which Wraith Nine hit straight to Eomer.  
  
"Now batting, number three, Wraith Three!"  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Wraith Three proceeded to knock Gandalf's next pitch over the wall in center. Gandalf hung his head slightly as Wraith Three almost danced around the bases.  
  
Wraith Three was rounding third and making the balloon noise like Wraith Two when his foot got caught in his robe and he tripped. More than one person snickered both in the crowd and on the field. Wraith Three stood and continued to home plate, then returned to his dugout. Treebeard put a "1" next to Mordor.  
  
"Why do they have to wear those robes, anyway?" Snaga asked.  
  
"Because they'd look creepy in a uniform," Jean answered, then sent Snaga back to the dugout.  
  
"Now batting, number six, Wraith Six!"  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Wraith Six flied out to center.  
  
"Next up for the Screechers, number eight, Wraith Eight!"  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Wraith Eight singled on the second pitch.  
  
"Now batting, number four, Wraith Four!"  
  
[Back in Black]  
  
Wraith Four hit the ball to Elrohir, who quickly fired it over to Eomer.  
  
"Out!" Lobelia ruled.  
  
Jean made her little announcement: "Well, that's it for the third. The score--"  
  
"Jean!" Moe called.  
  
"--is now Heroes eight--"  
  
"Jean!"  
  
"--and Modor has three. Everyone get set for the fourth inning!"  
  
"Jean! It's important!"  
  
"What is it, Moe?" Jean asked with a sigh.  
  
Moe smiled. "I want a hot dog." 


End file.
